Sermon- March 24, 2026

“You Say Hello, I Say Goodbye”

In a few short weeks – actually exactly 2 weeks from today – we will be bidding our intern minister farewell. Terry has been with us for 2 years, his bold presence an ever-present shadow here at UU Wellesley Hills. Terry will preach his last sermon for us on June 7th, and we will have the opportunity to thank him for his wisdom and well thought out words.

Thinking about Terry leaving has me reflecting on goodbyes…what is a “good” goodbye? What is a bad or unhealthy goodbye? How does our experience or experiences with that person affect or even cloud our perspective when saying goodbye?

Many years ago, while I was in nursing school, I was working full time as the Director of Activities for a nursing home. It was a miserable, miserable job. The director of the nursing home was an unethical and immoral person, who would do anything to make sure the census – the number of patients in beds – would stay high. Everyone was unhappy there, from the nurses and doctors to the janitors and kitchen workers.

But there is a camaraderie that happens when workers find common ground. Some of the best, fun and funniest moments in my career happened at that place. We banded together, helping each other weather the storms that came rolling in day after day.

I had been there for about a year, when one Sunday evening, feeling nauseous and anxious about having to return to work the following morning, I got in my car, drove to the nursing home, and left my keys with a note in the director’s mailbox. I quit. I will not be coming back.

In that moment, I remember feeling tremendous relief…but it didn’t take very long for me to realize that that leaving, that goodbye, was not a good one. Not only did it say something about my professionalism, which I was less concerned about, but was unfair to my coworkers, whom I had become close with. I had not given myself the opportunity to say the things I needed to say to them and had not given them the opportunity to say goodbye to me. I learned a very important lesson from that experience.

As Unitarian Universalists, what responsibility do we have to each other when saying goodbye? As people who covenant together, to be in right relationship with each other, more importantly, how does our faith call us to say goodbye?

In her piece “Reluctant Goodbyes” Kaaren Solvig Anderson, Interim Minister at First Parish Brewster writes:

“I hate goodbyes. I hate everything about them. It bothers me that “goodbye” isn’t really what I think we most often want to say.

When those I love leave me, or I leave them, goodbye isn’t what I want to say. I want to tell them that their warm hand on my cheek, which caught my desperate tears, made me feel whole once again.

When those I am in conflict with leave or I leave them, goodbye isn’t what I want to say. I want to talk about pieces of me that are torn, scratched, and fragmented because of our interchanges.

When time whispers to me, “Move on, here’s the next step, say goodbye,” I watch as my son walks into his first day of kindergarten, confident, filled with anticipation. But goodbye isn’t what I want to say. I want to tell him that he is remarkable, brave, that I need more time to adjust to his boyhood, his self-assurance, his friends.

When someone I love dies, goodbye isn’t what I want to say. I want to tell them the truth about us. I want to set it straight. I want to tell them that their love made life easier, freer, more accessible. That I’m grateful for their presence. I want to tell them that I forgive them for being human, hoping they did the same for me.

When life turns to me someday and says, “Say goodbye,” goodbye isn’t what I want to say. I’ll say, “I’ve said ‘Goodbye’ my whole life, let me say it right, now. Just let me say it right.”

Rev. Anderson hits upon what probably so many of us feel when having to say goodbye. There is so much more to say, there is so much more I want to say. Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I don’t want to let go. Or maybe I’m just exhausted and want out.

Our newer Shared Values encourages us to remain in relationship and repair harm we have done. The first Shared Value of Interdependence recognizes the interconnected web of all existence, encouraging respect for all beings, sustainable relationships and repairing harm. I see sustaining relationships, even the tough ones, and repairing harm as foundational to our faith. It starts with our connection to each other – between me and you – and continues to the end of that relationship, under whatever circumstances brings that relationship to an end and we say goodbye.

There is a lot of misrepresentation and misinformation out there about us UU’s. No creed? No dogma or doctrine? No sacred texts? How can you function as a faith tradition without some basic theology that holds you together? To which I say Unitarian Universalism is probably one of the most challenging faith traditions out there. We are constantly challenged to be the best we can be. We are constantly being challenged to be more loving, more accepting, more just. And we are constantly being challenged to make the world a better place, even in our goodbyes, without much of a guidebook. The responsibility for how we act, what words come out of our mouths, and how we treat each other falls directly on each of us. It is up to each of us to determine our behavior and how we respond. It was so much easier for me growing up Catholic!

In his piece “Exorcising Preaching” Nathan Walker writes”

“It is time that we become a part of a progressive, visionary path that liberates future generations from the theological labyrinth of despair.

It is time that we have the courage to transform from this social club into a collective force for justice.

Because we ain’t no country club.We ain’t no intellectual secret society,and we ain’t no navel-gazing hum-diddy-dum cult.

We are an intentionally diverse community.We are a group of people whoseek to lead meaningful lives,to love one another without prejudice, andto build a just and sustainable world.

Let’s inject this mission into our DNA and, once and for all, get out of the committees and into the streets!”

Walkers not asking for much, is he??? So, managing our goodbyes is only one of our responsibilities, albeit an important one. We are challenged in all areas of our lives as Unitarian Universalists and how we leave each other is an important insight into whether we are living into our covenant with each other.

So Terry, I will miss your humor, your insight and your commitment. Over the next few weeks my hope is that we here at UU Wellesley Hills will show up and offer you a truly “good” goodbye. I have no doubt that we will. We are all connected and you will forever be a part of our legacy.

And to the congregation I encourage all of you to remember who we are. As our church year comes to an end, and we begin the process of bidding Terry farewell, let us do it with hearts full of gratitude for the gifts he has brought to us. That is who we are. That is part of our DNA as Unitarian Universalists here at UU Wellesley Hills!

May our goodbyes – wherever and whenever they are – be courageous and filled with love and gratitude. May we honor all of our relationships, even the challenging one, so when the time comes to say goodbye, we do so with truth and compassion. And may our faith as Unitarian Universalists guide us even in the most challenging leavings.

May it be so.